Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

New Fun stuff happening…

September 7, 2011

Saturday, September 17, 2011


We are taking over the coolest poker lounge in town at the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino for an exclusive poker tournament featuring your favorite celesbian stars from near and far. Come play with the stars and win awesome prizes including a Sweet vacation, VIP Cirque Du Soleil Tickets, spa packages and more. All to benefit the National Center for Lesbian Rights. Hosted by Jill Bennett and Cathy DeBuono.

6pm to 9pm

$100 buy in, $25 re-buy

Celebrities Include: Suzanne Westenhoefer, Maeve Quinlan, Aasha Davis, Gabrielle Chrstian, Sandee Birdsong, Jenny McNulty, Traci Dinwiddle, and Gloria Bigelow.

Hard Rock Hotel and Casino Poker Lounge
4455 Paradise Road
Las Vegas, NV

More information

Buy tickets


Friday, October 14, 2011

Tampa Gay and Lesbian Film Festival Screening of WHTSN Season 2

Jill & Cathy are headed back to Tampa to attend the Friday night screening and Saturday night party.
More information

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Image Out: Rochester Gay and Lesbian Film Festival Screening of WHTSN Season 2

See Season 2 on the big screen!
More information

Tuesday, September 13, 2011, 12 pm PST

Cathy launches her new radio talk show “Cathy Is In” on LA Talk Radio and Transformation Talk Radio

Starting next Tuesday, Cathy will be live on air every week from 12 to 1 pm PST.  She’s also launched her life coaching site at
More information

Labels Aren’t Just for Cans, and WTF is Pansexual Anyway???

August 11, 2011

Note:  this article was originally written for the fabulous website Autostraddle in reaction to an article and the comments that followed about Pro Basketball player Sheryl Swoopes.  They decided not to publish on the site directly, (but rather link to it.)  Given the hot button aura (that apparently) surrounds this issue, they wanted me to list some other sources and opinions.  I declined, given that this was intended to be a lighthearted commentary and not a thesis project.  But as I stated before, I completely love and respect those women over there.  Maybe one day I can finagle my way into writing a once monthly hot button column for them called The Queen Bitch The Devil’s Advocate.  

Strap yourselves in ladies, you’re about to get a lecture from a lesbian big sister.  All youngsters must hear these lectures at some point in their life.  Usually, they come from your grandparents or parents (mostly hetero-centric in scope,) but this time it’s coming from a member of your extended gay family.  It comes baked into a big gay cake with a dose of humor, a few dashes of sarcasm and a whole lotta love.  Take all of this with a grain of salt and a sense of humor, and with the knowledge that you can still disagree and we can simultaneously respect one another (unless you’re Ann Coulter, in which case you can fall off of a high building.)

Let me start with these – my Tweets in reaction to the Sheryl Swoopes article, or more particularly, the comments that followed.  I confess, I got a little carried away, but I was trying to make a point in 140 characters or less, which is difficult to do.






Then this






and lastly






Before going on some rant about my clear bi/pan/omni/cotton/a/fluid-sexualphobia, please hear me out.

First of all, I love Autostraddle.  I love the writers on Autostraddle, I love the content, but mostly, I love the community.  There’s a genuine respect that keeps this place floating above all others – as someone who has been immersed in the online LGBT community for almost 5 years, that’s a rarity.  What I appreciate most is the intellectual discourse.  The trite sarcasm that eventually seems to overtake most forum based sites is delightfully absent here.  AS is gathering place for women I’m certain that I’d love to share a beer with.

Now that I’ve buttered you up with some genuine butter, may I just say one little thing without a visit from the PCP? (politically correct police.)  Some of the “label” discussion really gets on my last gay nerve.  I have two distinct issues, the first is over-extension of the alphabet soup.  While I’m all for accurate identifiers, I also believe we’re getting a little overly inclusive in this quest, and that it perhaps isn’t helping in the overall sense of the community in the world.  The second issue revolves around the rejection of the labeling system as a whole.

The alphabet soup – LGBT.  It started with gay, then we added lesbians, bisexuals and trans folks.  Now we have a seemingly endless list of identifiers, and everyone wants their letter added – asexuals, questioning, genderqueer….Here’s where the age difference will probably rear its ugly head, but I gotta tell you, when I watched a 15-year-old girl proclaim her pansexuality on Dr. Phil, I laughed.  Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s utterly fantastic that kids can now come out as pansexual at 15.  I laughed because I highly doubt if a 15-year-old can even fully grasp what that means.  My personal experience tells me that a kid can feel all sorts of feelings and attractions, but declaring yourself pansexual at 15???  Mmmmmmk.

So Pam wants to be able to declare her pansexuality and not be teased.  (Insert big sigh here.)  I’ve have seen an incredible change in society’s attitudes towards LGBT folks – partly on the backs of my generation, but mostly on the generations that came before me.  Now we have this new class of kids who were born into a VERY different world than we lived in, and the demand for their modified sexuality to be included in every single discussion is getting annoying.

Am I claiming that pan/bi/omni/fluid/whateverthefuckelseyouwant-sexuality doesn’t exist or that you don’t have the right to claim it?  Not at all.  I, like most of the readers here know that sexuality/gender expression does exist on a continuum.  The difference is, I also happen to have a few more years of life experience that has shown me that most people usually settle into one of the dreaded boxy claustrophobic LGB or T labels at some point in their life.

So here’s where we can get into all kinds of discussions, similar to what people wrote in the comments.  But what if a lesbian has fantasies about men?  What if a formerly bi-fluid transman suddenly decides he’s now mostly hetero but still craves cock?  What if, what if, what if…  

Many of the people in my LGBT circle (there are many, and most are over the age of 30) label someone based on the reality of their current life, not what is contained in their fantasies or what they want or could be doing.  Once you get to a certain age, (and I can’t believe I just wrote that, but I have after all, been out for almost 2 decades now) your focus shifts from finding your sexual identity to finding the person you want to spend your life with.  Yes, I’m going to say it:  most of these nouns, verbs, adjectives and adverbs usually start to disappear after the age of 25, and the vast majority of us will land squarely in the common definition of LGBT-land or like Sheryl, Swoope (back) into Hetero-land.  Sorry, couldn’t resist that one!

This isn’t about judgement, it’s about having a language that allows you to effectively communicate with the world about who you are.  We have finally gotten to a place where most people understand the general meaning of LGBT.  Now we have to throw all these other labels into the mix lest someone feel left out or disrespected.

“I’m a lesbian identified bisexual currently in relationship with a man but strongly attracted to trans or non-binary leaning pansexuals.”

I’m sorry, what? 

Really folks, if you boil down the above quote, the woman is bisexual, the rest, I don’t care to know.  Unless I’m directly propositioning you, an in-depth explanation of your sexual desires (that may or may not deviate from your current partner) is both irrelevant and unnecessary.

A word on labels in general.  You (and perhaps I’m only talking to a couple of people here) may personally feel that your own unique sexuality cannot possibly fit into a “label,” a concept which I find just a little bit arrogant btw.  But fine, let’s play along.  You and your special-ness feel contained by those pesky little labels, and so you make it your mission in life to not only live outside of that label, (which you’re really not – everything that you’re feeling and doing has been done a million times since the dawn of humanity,) but to also insinuate, in a plethora of condescending ways, that others who prefer or appreciate the labeling system for whatever reason are somehow less evolved than you.

Learn your gay history.  We started to become liberated as a community precisely because we labeled ourselves.  Without labels there can be no visibility.  Without labels there will always be a heterosexual assumption.  Without labels we are back where we were in the 1950’s – the spinster aunt or the bachelor uncle who lives with their “special friend.”  Without labels, (which are just descriptive words and nothing else,) we wouldn’t be able to communicate with anyone, inside or outside of our community, about who we are.

We can all pretty much agree that the walls really started to come down back in 1997 on a societal level when Ellen came out.  She labeled herself a lesbian.  LABELED.  Then one after another, more actors and singers came out and said yes, I too am gay, lesbian, or bisexual.  LABELS.  Then politicians joined in, clergy, people in the middle and southern states started to get bold, and they LABELED themselves…to be counted…to be visible.  This is why things started to change.  This is why over the last decade gay marriage has started to become a reality.  Why DADT has been repealed.  Because we came forward as a people and LABELED ourselves to our family and friends.  “WE’RE HERE, now stop treating us like second class citizens!”  And you know what, it’s working!

But back to you, the undefinable.  So fine, you can’t be labeled.  But some of us can, and rather prefer the labeling system, as it gives us some idea of who we’re dealing with.  Yes, that label may change over time, and perhaps it’s not all-encompassing, but it’s a place to start.  I’m voting for queer to become to the new catch-all descriptive for those who don’t like more specific labels.  Queer works.  It’s descriptive but not defining.  And why exactly are labels so bad?  They just give us a common language and understanding with which to relate to another person.  Just because you create a box around a label doesn’t mean everyone does.  Define your label however you want – own who you are and no label will confine you.

What I don’t want is a further watering down of our current labels.  And yes, that means as far as I’m concerned, you are not a lesbian if you’re in a relationship with a man.  I seriously fell off my chair when I read the comment about how we’re being heterophobic by stripping Swoopes of her lesbian label.

I’m sorry, what?  

I am one of those (proudly, yes, proudly) gold star lesbians who gets HIGHLY annoyed at bisexuals mislabeling themselves.  “Ava” pretty much covered this, brilliantly I might add, in her comments, so go back and read if you’re confused.

And as far as “bisexual” actresses go…(insert another big sigh here)

I may decide this next week to declare myself a one-eyed one horned flying purple people eater.  I may, in my heart of hearts, believe that I am a flying purple people eater.  But I feel like you are under no obligation to take this seriously unless you see me flying around and eating people.  I guess I’m in the camp of old jaded people who sees a blatant grab for a die-hard fan base.  Good on you if you’re in the camp that just takes people at their word – I’ll be expecting you to kiss my ring next week when I declare myself The Queen of England.

So while you watch the next bisexual actress du jour stroll down the red carpet with her boyfriend/husband/boytoy of the month while safely declaring her love of women in interviews, I’ll just continue to laugh and wonder how many years it’ll take for everyone else to catch on.

But I digress.  I felt compelled to write this article because I’ve started to notice a little bit of a divide within our community, and I wanted to address it.  I love that the younger generation was born into an age of “It Gets Better” and GSA’s in their public high schools.  What I don’t appreciate is the dismissal of the older generation by said youngsters.  We found our power in coming out and labeling ourselves, and until every single person in this country has full and complete equal rights, we still need to be counted.  That means slapping a big old QUEER label on ourselves so that people know we’re here.  Just don’t get too carried away with your label.  We older gays are too busy getting married and serving openly in the military to look up the definition of pansexual.

And with that, your lesbo big sis gives you a big hug and smack on your ass.  Now go be yourself.

We will be discussing this topic on our live video blog The Gloves Are Off on Thursday at 7 pm PST.  Please join the discussion especially if you disagree!  We welcome the conversation.  Go here to sign up.  

Instructions on how to use Vokle, our platform for The Gloves Are Off

April 28, 2011

Hey there, we are still getting some questions on how to use Vokle.  Here is a detailed post, hope it helps!

We will be recording the event, but please know that our recording software will require some editing – look for the episode to be posted sometime during the weekend.  We will tweet when it’s up from @wehavetostopnow.

Now for the details on how to use our platform VOKLE:

In order to watch the event, you must register for Vokle.  To do that, go to our stand alone live feeds page here:

5 minutes before the event, please come back to the same page and click the red “join event” button in the lower left hand corner.

If you’re just planning to watch, you’re all set!

If you’re planning to call in, hit the SETUP button and it will take you through a simple set instructions to activate your camera, microphone and headset (you must wear a pair of earbuds to avoid feedback if you call in!)  Sometimes your screen will freeze and you might have to go back through the set up one more time if your camera and/or mic are not working.  If that happens, just hit the “Begin Wizard” button and go back through the set-up. (THIS IS JUST FOR PEOPLE PLANNING TO CALL IN.

During the broadcast, you can ask questions by hitting the “Ask a Question” button on the top right hand side.  It will then give you the option to text it, or video call in.

Text comments are screened before they appear online.  Texting any inappropriate content will result in being banned from the event.

If you call in, you will first be connected to our screener who will make sure that your camera, mic and earphones are in place and that your connection is good enough to avoid a long delay.  Once cleared, you will be put in a queue, and will stay there until we make the call live.  Sometimes we will make your call live immediately, other times we may not get to your call – it all depends on the number of callers in front of you!  Either way, please be ready, as once we hit the “take call” button, you will automatically  be live online.

Tips to make it smoother

  • If at all possible, try to hardwire your computer in as opposed to using a wireless connection.  There will be a 2 to 3 second delay, hardwiring will help in keeping the delay down and avoiding wireless interference with other users on the network.
  • If you freeze or the connection drops, just refresh your browser.  If your camera doesn’t show back up and you’re wanting to video call in, just go back through the “Begin Wizard” process.
  • If you call in, please remember that there is a delay, so try to avoid the small “yeses” or “uh huhs” within the conversation, as they will be heard by us 2 to 3 seconds after you say them.  (It’s easier to nod yes or no if there’s something you are trying to convey in the moment.)  Try to speak in larger chunks and give a definite end to the thought so that we know you are done with that particular idea, and can respond.
  • Hit the “Follow” heart button the top left hand corner, and we’ll always let you know when we’re doing another show.
  • simple copy/paste if you want the world to know what you’re doing…(tweet includes a tinyurl of the web address where our feed is located)


watching #theglovesareoff with the girls of @wehavetostopnow, go to to join the conversation


to link the event, use this url:

April 28, 2011

the kids are alright debate lives on – #lesbian

All Lesbians Secretly Desire Men – PART DEUX

April 28, 2011

In preparation for The Gloves Are Off tomorrow night with guest Paula Goldberg, I thought I’d share a few more thoughts to get those lezzie brains a workin’.

Last winter, I posted a blog about that little ole movie The Kids Are Alright in advance of seeing the film.  Click that little link above if you’d like to read it in full, but in essence, I said despite how well made the film will probably be, (I’m a Lisa Cholodenko fan) I’m sick of seeing the lesbian leaves her woman for the almighty dick story AGAIN.

Well, by some of the responses, you’d think that I’d burned the lesbian flag in effigy.  The ladies simply couldn’t understand how I could POSSIBLY judge something without seeing it.  There was more uproar about that fact than what I actually said…but I digress.  I did see the movie, and now I will offer this:

My friend Susan came over the other day and offered me a chocolate bar.  Having a huge sweet tooth, I snatched it right out of her hands but then noticed that it contained nuts.  Now, I have no problem with nuts per se, but I just really don’t like them in my chocolate.  So, I handed it back to her.

But, Jill…this is really good chocolate! 

Uh, yeah, I’m sure it is, I just am not really into nuts in my chocolate.

But Jill, seriously.  You have to try this chocolate – it’s SOOOO much better than that other stuff you’ve been eating. 

Okay honey, I appreciate your enthusiasm, but I’m just sort of burnt out on nuts…in my chocolate.  It seems like whenever I find a good chocolate bar, lo and behold – nuts appear.  And I’m just not into nuts.

JILL!!!  LOOK AT THE WRAPPER!!!  DO YOU SEE HOW PERFECT IT IS?  Why won’t you just try it?

Does it have nuts in it?


I don’t like nuts in my chocolate Susan.  No offense to Mr. Peanut.  I’m. just. not. interested.  It could be the best chocolate on earth, but as soon as you add nuts…maybe it’s an allergy, I don’t know.  I just don’t want it, okay?


So guess what?  I did.  I took a bite.  And I still don’t like nuts.

A little heavy handed, but I hope you get my point – I stand by my original blog post 100%.  There were parts of the movie that I loved, performances that were grand – Annette made me cry…but I still absolutely loathed the lesbian leaving her woman for sex with a man storyline.

What I find interesting about this whole debate is that some of the very same people who have criticized pop culture for using that same plot device over and over again somehow found the very graphic sex between the man and lesbian to be incidental in this movie.  Uh, did you all miss the part where Julianne Moore’s character (a self-described lesbian) gasps with glee at the sight of Mark Ruffalo’s penis?  Incidental?  

And complete disclosure here:  I normally agree with all above mentioned bloggers regarding lesbian entertainment culture.  Perhaps my irritation surfaced because it certainly seemed like the amount of apologizing and justification was in direct correlation with amount interviews, exclusives and advertising they were getting from the filmmakers.  Would the reaction to the movie have been the same if the filmmaker were a man and not a well-known out lesbian?

We decided we had to cover this movie on the show because inevitably, every time we get together with a group of ladies, this movie comes up, and the debate begins.  If nothing else, Cholodenko got us talking…and whether you agree with me or not, I hope you’ll add your voice tomorrow night.

The Gloves Are Off – 7 pm p.s.t. only at with guest screenwriter Paula Goldberg.

And yes, we will be recording this one.

April 21, 2011

and you thought the debate about the kids are alright was over…


April 16, 2011

Just a quick note to thank all of you who showed up for last night’s return of The Gloves Are Off.  All in all, it went pretty smoothly considering the usual technology glitches.  We were contacted by one of the Co-Founders of Vokle, who volunteered to help with the in show editing, so next time should be even smoother.

We are happy to announce that all future episodes will be recorded and posted!  Thanks to your generosity, we will have the software up and running for the next show, which will be a discussion on the  film The Kids Are Alright.

We wanted to take a moment to thank a few people who have helped make this return possible.

– Jeff Butterworth of The Media Factory Studio who put in countless hours helping to get this new site up and running.  We’ve been working with Jeff since last winter, and we have to say, he’s one of our new favorite straight allies.

The CDB crew, some of whom kicked in financially to help with the revamp, and all the others who encouraged us to come back.

Jessica Rothschild of, who donated her time to help us put some finishing touches on the site

Becca Katz, our new resident producer, for always being around to help

To all of you who have continued to support our work and participate in our feeds.  We hope to see you back again!

The Gloves Are Off returns tomorrow night

April 14, 2011

We are very excited to be back tomorrow night at 7 pm pst!

A few things:

1.  You must sign up in order to watch the show.  Go to our Live Feeds page and click the “Watch Live” button.  It will then take you to our Vokle platform where you can create a Vokle account or use your Twitter to login.

2.  Please call in!  This show is all about participation – we want to hear what you have to say, but first things first – if you are going to call in, YOU MUST USE A HEADSET TO AVOID AN ECHO FEEDBACK.  The show is on a slight delay, so without a headset, we’ll all hear an echo and everyone on chat will shame you for not reading the instructions…so just avoid that and plug in those headsets!

3.  Unfortunately, the Vokle platform does not provide a recording option.  This first episode will not be available for later viewing.  Right now our only option is to purchase third party software in order to record future episodes.  We hope to be able to provide the recorded episodes soon!

This week’s topic:  straight women who have emotional affairs with lesbians, why we try to make straight women gay and the Rizzoli and Isles phenomenon.

Don’t just watch.  Join the conversation

Welcome back

March 29, 2011

Hello Everyone,

Welcome back to!

We thank you for your patience this past week while we tinkered with the last few nuts and bolts of our newly revamped site.  We are really excited about the changes we’ve made, let us know what you think.

We Have To Stop Now, Season Two – The Movie is making its premiere at the Miami Gay & Lesbian Film Festival on Sunday, April 24 @ 7pm at the Regal Cinemas. 

We will update you here as festival dates are added to the schedule, so check back when you can.  Come see WHTSN Season Two, The Movie on the big screen!

Playback issues

March 17, 2011

Hello all…

Just a word to let you know we are aware of the playback issues on three of the episodes.  We are working to resolve this as quickly as possible.  We will send the word out as soon as they are back up!  Thank you for your patience!